ROADHOUSE HITS A ROADBLOCK

Since my last article, I have been experiencing a world-class case of writer's block. At first, I thought it might be due to an accumulation of stresses that come along with the holiday season. This is probably not the case.
Rather, I think it is the simple fact that every morning, I wake up to find America being "knee-capped" in some bold new way...by our own leaders no less. This has a two-pronged effect. One, I don't know where to start every day. Too many controversies, too little time. Each one more disturbing than the last. And two, my cynicism meter resembles that of a cartoon pressure gauge just before the coyote gets blown to bits.
It seems that I am in a daily struggle to keep on truckin' with my mission to promote conservatism to all who will listen, and just chuckin' it all and let everyone learn the hard way what life in a liberal utopia will be like. Then I look at my kids and remember why I still give a flying crap.
So, barring my bout with rantus interuptis, I will be blogging on.

G.I. JOE vs PERRY MASON

America took yet another kick to the groin this week thanks to the Obama administration's decision to turn battlefields into crime scenes. When those of us on the right joked last year about Obama forcing our men and women in a war zone to read Miranda rights to captured enemy combatants, and collect evidence while interviewing witnesses on the battlefield, we were accused of "fear mongering". But, here we are.

Though volumes could be written about why bringing foreign, non-citizen terrorists to America for trial in a civilian court is a bad idea, I'm just going to write about some of the more obvious ones. That is, obvious to me and anyone who has ever watched an episode of Law & Order, but apparently not obvious to our Attorney General Eric Holder.

1. These people are not American citizens, were not caught in America, and are thus not entitled to our Constitutional rights.
2. Any first year law student will be able to get them off the hook because they were not read their rights prior to detainment, nullifying any evidence that may or may not have been collected at the scene.
3. Now that we know they have been "tortured" (glorified cold showers), any confession will be claimed to have been gotten under duress...nullifying that too.
4. Because life in an American prison can be considered an upgrade compared to the living conditions of the typical Muslim terrorist, their worst case scenario of being caught will be to have "three hots", a cot, a roof, a toilet, a new Koran, a new prayer rug, and free health care until their lawyer gets them off for reasons one, two, and three. This alone will be a Godsend to terrorist recruiters.
5. Now terrorists will be able to use the courts and consequently the media as their own personal bully pulpit.
6. Now terrorists will be able to use prisons as their own personal recruiting offices.
7. Our intelligence community will be subjected to having their methods and agent's identities entered as evidence, leaving them open to prosecution and public exposure.
8. The Uniform Code of Military Justice will be pretty much obsolete and redundant.
9. Every U.S. soldier, Airman, Sailor and Marine will need legal training or hire a lawyer to ride shotgun into battle with them.
10. From now on, our best chance to defeat our enemies is to hope they die from laughing so hard at us, that they won't have a chance to fly planes into our office buildings or shoot up our Army bases.

FORT HOOD ATTACK

Because of there not being enough hours in the day to blog, write a book, call and E-mail Congressmen to remind them that we are not China, work a 50+hour a week job, feed and diaper a one year old, teach and entertain a five year old, maintain a house and two vehicles, and still be a respectable husband and father, I am going to make this post short and sweet.

All Muslims are not terrorists, but with little-to-no exception, all terrorists are Muslims. Yes, once upon a time, there was the I.R.A. Yes, we had the no-longer-an-issue Timothy McVeigh. And who can forget the abortion clinic bomber Eric Rudolf from years past. But let's put this into some perspective. These exceptions were not a result of massive culturally-institutionalized insanity. Even as widespread as the I.R.A.'s reach has been over the decades, their irrationality was based in what they saw as political desperation and a need to fight a perceived oppressor. And in recent years, they have renounced violence as a viable way to further their cause.

On the other hand, you have the Muslim extremists. Here's a group of nut jobs that have been plying their trade for centuries...literally. Now I don't claim to be an expert on Islam, but when your "rap sheet" goes so far back in history that it's actually mentioned in the Bible, I think it's reasonable to be suspicious of your religion and it's motives toward everyone else.

Muslim terrorists do not see themselves as members of a country, or even a particular group. They see themselves as martyrs for Allah...period. Sure, they join groups, and they claim certain citizenships, but their drive and passion for death comes from their religious beliefs. All other allegiances are secondary, and only serve to allow them to kill more infidels (you and me). They cannot be reasoned with, and they see it as their mission and duty to Allah to kill as many non-believers as possible as a pre-requisite to enter their promised land.

If after September 11th, we still can't grasp this concept, then we are practically begging for more and even greater such attacks as Fort Hood and September 11th. When U.S. malls, and schools become part of the ever-growing list of Islamic terrorist successes, just remember...Roadhouse tried to warn ya'.

BOOK EM'

Last week, I was lucky enough to swing a work day short enough to take my daughter to her kindergarten class' "book fair". For those who aren't familiar with such a thing, a book fair is when your local elementary school brings in a book vendor to hock their wares to raise money for the school. My daughter and I were looking forward to this event, and she already knew what she wanted to look for before we even left the house. What was supposed to be a fun evening out with my family, quickly went down hill...I should have known.

For reasons I have yet to discover, my little girl has taken a big interest in space, specifically the solar system. So as we walked into the book fair, I was on a mission to find some really cool books about the planets and stars. It wasn't long until I started to hear a make-believe "mission control" relaying the message; "Huston, we have a problem" in my head.
I've known for some time now that public schools are but a few steps away from allowing your children to be raised by monkeys for the better half of the day...but the reminder I was experiencing was more than I needed to see right now.
As I searched and searched, dodging all sort of snot dispenser, and their accompanying "parents", I began to think someone was playing a trick on me for some 21st century version of Candid Camera...no such luck. After asking the lady running the book fair and seeing her own efforts to find just one, it became clear that there was not one book about the solar system to found at this book fair.
This sparked my curiosity, so I looked to see what else might be missing. Also M.I.A. were any books related to our nation's founding, basic civics, or history in general. With the exception of books concerning the animal kingdom, there were very few books about science at all.
"But Roadhouse, what kind of books were there at this book fair?" I thought you'd never ask. If you are fans of "SpongeBob", they got'cha covered. "Harry Potter"?. No problem. Those of you raising teenage girls will be happy to know that there were volumes of "Hannah Montana" books and related "swag" (at an elementary school). And for those of you who have the foggiest idea of what a "Pokemon" is (don't ask me), you can rest easy knowing that there books, toys, and all manner of paraphernalia to explain it.
If the racks and racks of every kind of dragon slaying, spell casting, vampire dating piece of crap book weren't enough, this book fair just wouldn't have been complete without the at least six different books about President Obama that I saw displayed. Washington? Zero. Lincoln? Zippy. Jefferson? Zilch. But Obama? SIX!

After taking a few minutes alone to go to my "happy place", I calmed down enough to ask the lady in charge who decides what books make it onto the shelves. She gave me a look that told me that she knew exactly what I meant, and why I was not happy, and assured me that unfortunately it was not up to her. She then explained to me that her company has decided to focus on putting books that are "big sellers" on the shelves...as opposed to books that actually teach kids something of value. By that logic, I guess we should hope that "Mien Komph" or "The Anarchist's Cookbook" don't start selling big numbers again.

On the up side, we decided to forgo the government option, for the private sector, and will be looking for a book about space at Barnes & Noble...where you can also by a copy of my book, I'm Not Hitler! What You're Not Allowed to Know About the real "Right Wing".

I.O.U.'s GOOD ENOUGH FOR NOBEL PRIZE

To be fair, I am not going to blame this one on President Obama. As usual, I woke up this morning wondering what "fresh hell" the media or our government was going to heap onto us today. And as usual, I was not disappointed.
I was just finishing with getting my daughter ready for school when my wife called out from the living room, "You've got to be kidding...they gave him the Nobel Prize". At that point, pretty much all you can do is crack a glib/sarcastic smile and continue trying to master the skill of pony-tail tying...a skill no truck driver should ever need, but hey-my daughter likes her hair that way.
Of coarse they would give him a Nobel Prize. After all, when your list of recipients includes Yasser "Jihad" Arrafat, Jimmy "Misery Index" Carter, and Al "Chicken Little" Gore, why would you not add Barak "Spread the Wealth" Obama to the mix. Then I heard the convoluted reasoning behind the decision to nominate him, and I almost drove off the road with laughter. The "promise" to stop nuclear proliferation and bring change to the world? Really? A "promise"?
If a "promise" is all it takes to win a Nobel prize, then let me throw my hat into the ring for next year's round right now. I figure with the current criteria for winning a Nobel prize, I will have no shortage of competition. Let's face it, just about anyone can win one now...me, the average two year old child, house plants, Cartman from "South Park", and Sea Monkeys. After all, we've all done about as much to create "peace" as Obama has. But I must say, I truly believe that I may have an edge over any competition I might face in next year's running. I have some really cool promises.

1. I promise to bring world peace, and interplanetary peace as well. (I'm a "big picture" kinda guy).
2. I promise to bring back 8-tracks and "The Muppet Show".
3. I promise to bring Subway, KFC, McDonald's, and Pizza Hut to Ethiopia.
4. I promise to invent donuts that make you thinner and smarter.
5. I promise to bring Micheal Jackson back from the dead...with his original nose.
6. I promise to prove to the world that rap music makes you dumber.
7. I promise to outlaw droopy pants and sideways hats.
8. I promise to create a car that runs on good intentions and "BS", so liberals can have a cheap way to get to around.
9. I promise to make it rain coffee every Monday morning.
10. I promise to make President Obama actually read the Constitution.

I really shouldn't make fun of this too much, after all, let's look at all of Obama's Nobel Prize-worthy accomplishments so far.

Victory in Iraq...not.
Victory in Afghanistan...not.
Stopped Iran's nuke program...not.
Israel/Palistine problem solved...not.
Crime in Chicago ended...not.
Increased value of the dollar...not.
Caught Bin Laden...not.
Decreased deficit...NOT!
Struck fear into the hearts of our enemies...not.
Helped Darfur...not.
Lowered unemployment...not.
Brought world peace...not.
Brought peace in his hometown...not.
Brought peace to the average water cooler political discussion...not.
Learned how to spell "peace"...maybe.

THIS JUST IN!...ROADHOUSE STILL NOT A RACIST

In the recent weeks following the September 12th "T.E.A. party" protest in Washington DC, a common theme has been popping up in the mainstream media. Apparently, if you disagree with the President, you are by default a racist. OK, let's examine that concept.

From a mathematical perspective, the numbers just don't add up. Exhibit "A" would be the fact that Obama was elected, and by a healthy margin. That means that more than half of the country was willing to set aside the color of his skin on election day. From that we can conclude that up to that point, the majority of the nation was not racist...or at least not anti-"black".

Exhibit "B" would be the fact that Obama's approval ratings were in the high 60% range at the beginning of his term and stayed there for a matter of weeks.

Then something happened. According to the "left", otherwise known as the "media", a massive demographic shift began to take place. Apparently, a secret mass migration of white supremacists to America occurred at the exact same time as a secret mass exodus of Obama supporters from America. Making this even more insidious was the fact that the white supremacist were so adept at hiding their beliefs, that not one media outlet has been able to actually capture them in the act of saying or doing anything that could be legitimately construed as "racist".
It's as if you are to believe that everything President Obama has been doing would be just fine, if only he had a little less melanin. If he were white, we'd be totally cool with him taking his good old time with a plan for Afghanistan, as our troops flounder and die there without strong leadership from their Commander In Chief.
If only he were white, the massive debt he's creating for our children's children for the sake of his socialist ideology wouldn't even cross our minds.
It's definitely the color of his skin, and not his willingness to project American weakness and call it "foreign policy" that really gets under our skin.
That's right, we're all racists, and he's just an innocent black guy being hassled by "the man".

MR. LEASURE GOES TO WASHING- TON

First let me say that I am very happy with the turn-out for the 9/12 march on our nation's capital. I have no idea how to gauge the size of the crowd, so I'm not going to try. You see, protests, rallies, and marches are really not my "cup of tea" usually. This is mainly due to the fact that unlike the liberal/slacker crowd that usually populates a typical protest, I happen to have a job. Rather than make unsubstantiated claims as to the size of the event (an old school lib tactic), I am simply going to say that there were more people there than I have ever personally witnessed at any one place in my entire life.
My "tea party" experience was definitely worth the time and money, for one reason. Hope. Irony of ironies is the fact that even though I am an eternal pessimist who on any given day has no faith what-so-ever in his fellow man, I actually came away with a sense that maybe all is not lost. As I scanned the seemingly endless "mob", the first thing I noticed was the diversity of the people attending (yet another irony). I saw both young and old, white and black, male and female, and according to their dress...every level of income. The second thing I noticed was that even though things went into overdrive and were relatively dis-organized as the bus dropped us off to join the march, the mild chaos of it all did not stop everyone from being polite and respectful.
As we marched, people went out of their way to say "thank you" to the police that were keeping watch. As opposed to the leftists that usually throw batteries at them and toss fire crackers under their horses. They thanked the veterans who were in attendance. They helped the older folks and handicapped negotiate some of the curbs and rough patches on the National Mall.
But the thing that stood out most was the total lack of arguments and/or heated discussion, let alone flying fists or use of hand cuffs.
Admittedly, I had no idea what to expect as the bus crossed the Potomac, but I was ready and willing to "throw down" with some ACORN scum if I had to. But throughout the whole day, I didn't even see one ACORN T-shirt.
I would also like to give a "shout out" to Al. Al was a guy who lives in DC and happened to be riding by on his bike. For some reason, of all the people there, he decided to stop and ask me about my home-made T-shirt slogan and the general purpose behind the gathering. Though he admitted being a supporter of Obama's health care proposals, he was extremely polite and engaging to a fault. With no detectable sarcasm of condescension, he asked lots of questions and offered reasonable and well though-out counterpoints to many of my ideas and comments. As we debated the pros and cons of our differing political perspectives, I had hardly even noticed that we had been standing in the middle of the Mall for nearly two hours debating the issues.
Though I doubt that neither Al nor I managed to change each other's minds on the issues, I left the discussion refreshed to know that there are still people out there who can dis-agree with you and still be both respectable and a good conversationalist.
I am still offended that our government has put us in such a position that we feel we need to give them a piece of our mind in person, when we should be home playing with our kids, but all and all, this trip gave me a little bit of hope for our future. Not pointless political slogan "hope", but good old fashioned "reason to get out of bed hope".