LIVE! FROM ISRAEL! IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!!!
Lorne Micheals couldn't write a sketch this funny on his best day.
President Bush addresses Israel and remarks on the folly of treating tyrants and dictators as legitimate leaders by initiating unconditional talks with them. He uses the ambiguous term "some" to refer to those who believe in such a policy. Enter stage left: Barak Obamma tripping over himself, waving his arms wildly and screaming at the top of his lungs "HEY, THAT'S ME! I'M THE APPEASER! LOOK AT ME! I TALK TO TERRORISTS!" Then, quietly, Bush say's "I was taking about Jimmy Carter". They then flash forward to the week prior to the general election where Obamma has been reduced to filling Hillary Clinton's water glass and rubbing her feet as she orders him around while calling him "little Jimmy".
Friday, May 16, 2008
Sunday, May 11, 2008
THE BRIGHT SIDE
If there is a list of tenets that describe conservative doctrine, in the top tier would have to be the ability to accept reality. Being a conservative, I have had to accept the cold hard reality that I have no candidate in the 08' election. Even if John McCain could win, he is only a thimble full of issues away from being a Democrat anyway. No matter how you slice it, we are entering the dark ages regarding conservative philosophy, and our country is going to suffer greatly for it.
Accepting this reality has lead me to a crossroads. I can spiral into a depression that will surely end my marriage and cause me to lose all faith in humanity as a whole, or I can look at the bright side. I choose the latter.
Yes, there is a bright side to liberals having total control of our government. My theory is based on the old concept that sometimes things need to get worse before they get better. It is also based on things I know from history. So here is a list of silver linings to the cloud that is coming to a sky near you.
1. We will finally find out how high gas prices will have to go before people actually do something about it.
2. Hunting will once again become fashionable and socially acceptable because of the high cost of groceries.
3. Jobs will become so scarce that even the most liberal among us will become bitter about illegal immigration.
4. Syria and/or Iran will take over Iraq after our surrender/pull-out, giving me the right to say "I told you so".
5. #4 will embolden terrorists around the globe to attack the United States again. This will show the country how wrong the libs were and lead to a new conservative up-rising.
6. Israel will be forced to take drastic actions against newly emboldened terrorists.
7. Russia, North Korea and/or China will feel left out and ultimately try to attack Israel, sparking a new world war.
8. A new world war will remind the slackers in this country about their priorities in life.
9. Manliness and rugged individualism will not only become fashionable, they will be necessary to survive.
10. Feeling their oats, liberals and Muslims will try to get away with too much, too fast and turn the world against them.
11. Government cheese is great with crackers and spam.
12. You'll meet new friends and reunite with old ones at the unemployment line.
13. I'll have really cool stories about the second depression to bore my grandchildren with.
14. My kids will not only know the value of a dollar, they will cherish it.
15. Teenagers will no longer be able to afford tattoos and body piercings.
16. Since pharmecuticle companies will be out of business, people will have to deal with their emotional problems the old fasioned way...beers or Bibles.
17. Everyone else's car will be as crappy as mine.
18. I will be proven right.
If there is a list of tenets that describe conservative doctrine, in the top tier would have to be the ability to accept reality. Being a conservative, I have had to accept the cold hard reality that I have no candidate in the 08' election. Even if John McCain could win, he is only a thimble full of issues away from being a Democrat anyway. No matter how you slice it, we are entering the dark ages regarding conservative philosophy, and our country is going to suffer greatly for it.
Accepting this reality has lead me to a crossroads. I can spiral into a depression that will surely end my marriage and cause me to lose all faith in humanity as a whole, or I can look at the bright side. I choose the latter.
Yes, there is a bright side to liberals having total control of our government. My theory is based on the old concept that sometimes things need to get worse before they get better. It is also based on things I know from history. So here is a list of silver linings to the cloud that is coming to a sky near you.
1. We will finally find out how high gas prices will have to go before people actually do something about it.
2. Hunting will once again become fashionable and socially acceptable because of the high cost of groceries.
3. Jobs will become so scarce that even the most liberal among us will become bitter about illegal immigration.
4. Syria and/or Iran will take over Iraq after our surrender/pull-out, giving me the right to say "I told you so".
5. #4 will embolden terrorists around the globe to attack the United States again. This will show the country how wrong the libs were and lead to a new conservative up-rising.
6. Israel will be forced to take drastic actions against newly emboldened terrorists.
7. Russia, North Korea and/or China will feel left out and ultimately try to attack Israel, sparking a new world war.
8. A new world war will remind the slackers in this country about their priorities in life.
9. Manliness and rugged individualism will not only become fashionable, they will be necessary to survive.
10. Feeling their oats, liberals and Muslims will try to get away with too much, too fast and turn the world against them.
11. Government cheese is great with crackers and spam.
12. You'll meet new friends and reunite with old ones at the unemployment line.
13. I'll have really cool stories about the second depression to bore my grandchildren with.
14. My kids will not only know the value of a dollar, they will cherish it.
15. Teenagers will no longer be able to afford tattoos and body piercings.
16. Since pharmecuticle companies will be out of business, people will have to deal with their emotional problems the old fasioned way...beers or Bibles.
17. Everyone else's car will be as crappy as mine.
18. I will be proven right.
Monday, May 5, 2008
FORD TRIES TO STARVE US
When Ford Motor Company decided to court the gay market, I rolled my eyes and accepted it. After all, that is what the free market is all about...selling your product to as many people as possible. When I learned that Henry Ford was an anti-Semite, I moved on. After all, he's dead so who cares? When I watched the offensive commercial last year that involved a divorced father being "allowed" to join his ex-wife and children on a day trip in their new Ford product, I gritted my teeth and considered never buying another Ford. I had to mull it over though because I really like Mustangs and F-series trucks. After tonight, the "mulling" is over.
I saw a Ford commercial that caused me to lose all hope for humanity. OK, that may be a bit dramatic, but it did cause me to assume that the Ford Motor Company is no longer competent enough to build a car safe enough to transport my family around in.
The commercial in question focused on the foam that Ford puts in their seats. For years, they and every other car manufacturer known to man has used polymer based foams that have posed no problems thus far. Think about it, of all the problems you have had with your car, has the foam in your seat ever kept you up at night? No. In keeping with the "it ain't broke, so let's fix it" mentality that is infecting so many of America's institutions and traditions, Ford decided to drive up the cost of their vehicles by researching and developing a new soy based foam to replace the old-school foam they used to use. Yes, I said SOY!
Have we learned nothing from the folly of turning our food into fuel? Now, we're going to turn our food into a place to sit as well? It seems like we are tripping over ourselves trying to find new ways to make food more expensive and scarce. The worst part about this is the pride that Ford seems to have from making such a short-sighted decision. It's like bragging about discovering that you can wipe your butt with sand paper instead of Charmin.
In a related story, I would like to announce that I have recently purchased a 1972 CHEVROLET pick-up that I will be restoring as time and money permit. I passed on a Ford F-150.
When Ford Motor Company decided to court the gay market, I rolled my eyes and accepted it. After all, that is what the free market is all about...selling your product to as many people as possible. When I learned that Henry Ford was an anti-Semite, I moved on. After all, he's dead so who cares? When I watched the offensive commercial last year that involved a divorced father being "allowed" to join his ex-wife and children on a day trip in their new Ford product, I gritted my teeth and considered never buying another Ford. I had to mull it over though because I really like Mustangs and F-series trucks. After tonight, the "mulling" is over.
I saw a Ford commercial that caused me to lose all hope for humanity. OK, that may be a bit dramatic, but it did cause me to assume that the Ford Motor Company is no longer competent enough to build a car safe enough to transport my family around in.
The commercial in question focused on the foam that Ford puts in their seats. For years, they and every other car manufacturer known to man has used polymer based foams that have posed no problems thus far. Think about it, of all the problems you have had with your car, has the foam in your seat ever kept you up at night? No. In keeping with the "it ain't broke, so let's fix it" mentality that is infecting so many of America's institutions and traditions, Ford decided to drive up the cost of their vehicles by researching and developing a new soy based foam to replace the old-school foam they used to use. Yes, I said SOY!
Have we learned nothing from the folly of turning our food into fuel? Now, we're going to turn our food into a place to sit as well? It seems like we are tripping over ourselves trying to find new ways to make food more expensive and scarce. The worst part about this is the pride that Ford seems to have from making such a short-sighted decision. It's like bragging about discovering that you can wipe your butt with sand paper instead of Charmin.
In a related story, I would like to announce that I have recently purchased a 1972 CHEVROLET pick-up that I will be restoring as time and money permit. I passed on a Ford F-150.
Friday, May 2, 2008
SOLVING THE HEALTH CARE "CRISES"
Step one: Stop ILLEGAL immigration. It is one of the biggest causes of high overhead in the healthcare industry.
Step two: Legislate real tort reform. Excessive litigation and the resulting malpractice insurance premiums drive healthcare costs through the roof.
Step three: Cut government red tape. Excessive oversight and regulation does nothing more than delay medical advancements and causes the need for billions in paperwork and lawyer fees.
Step four: Stop assuming that it is the government's job to provide your health care. It isn't. It is your job to shop around and research the best plan for you. It is your ability to choose that will keep prices in-check through competition in the free market.
Step one: Stop ILLEGAL immigration. It is one of the biggest causes of high overhead in the healthcare industry.
Step two: Legislate real tort reform. Excessive litigation and the resulting malpractice insurance premiums drive healthcare costs through the roof.
Step three: Cut government red tape. Excessive oversight and regulation does nothing more than delay medical advancements and causes the need for billions in paperwork and lawyer fees.
Step four: Stop assuming that it is the government's job to provide your health care. It isn't. It is your job to shop around and research the best plan for you. It is your ability to choose that will keep prices in-check through competition in the free market.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE EXPLAINED
"There's no such thing as a free lunch". One of many old sayings that have proven to be very accurate. This concept can be applied to many things in life, but none quite as important as life itself, and to a lesser extent, health care. As I watch the Presidential candidates try to out-liberal each other regarding the "health care crises", I can do little else than shake my head in disgust.
First of all, there is no "health care crises". Yeah, I said it. Is health care expensive? Yes. Does that constitute a crises? No. Cars are expensive. College is expensive. Coffee, cable and blue jeans are expensive, but we don't refer to them as a crises. A health care crises is when there are no doctors to be found. Or when hospitals shut down. Ironically, this will be the result of the liberal plan of universal health care.
Allow me to explain. Health care is a service, an important service, but a service none the less. It could also be considered to be a product. For this reason, I can use the following analogy. Think of our health care system as the fast food business. Because we have the power to make the decision to eat at McDonald's or Wendy's, Burger King has to make sure they make a better burger and offer better service than the other two. Arby's has to make sure they offer something even better by virtue of the Beef & Cheddar. Then Subway steps in and offers an even better deal than any of the others. This is called "competition". The end result of which is constantly improving quality, constantly expanding options and competitive prices for the consumer.
Now, what if the government stepped in and offered free cheeseburgers for everyone? At first, everyone would rejoice. Then we would notice a few changes. First, we would notice McDonald's stores closing down, followed by Wendy's and Arby's. After all, no one is buying their product anymore. Then we would notice a persistent drop in the quality of our government issued burgers. After all, why does the government need to worry about quality control when they are the only game in town? Menu options? Think again. Extra Mayo? Not a chance. Fries? Don't even think about it.
You see, now the people we rely on to make our cheeseburgers are government employees. You know, like the friendly folks down at the DMV, or the IRS. As long as they don't stick out in the crowd, their job is safe. Now that the government has taken the profit out of the food business, why bother with 10 years of cheeseburger college just to punch a clock for Uncle Sam? Where's the incentive? Who wants to be a burger chef now? Certainly not the cream of the culinary crop. In fact, few people jump at the chance to do the job at all, now that the money is taken out of the equation. This leads to burger shortages due to a lack of production. Yet the demand increases due to the fact that burgers are free now, so everyone wants one whether they need it or not. To get your "free" burger, you are put on a waiting list.
Six weeks later, you have the free cheeseburger you were promised. It is issued to you at a government facility and resembles exactly what you would think a government issued cheeseburger would look like. If they forget the cheese, just fill out the appropriate forms and someone will review your case in six to eight weeks.
Oh, you don't like cheeseburgers? You wanted a Big Mac, or a hoagie? Too bad.
Remember folks, it's one thing to sacrifice the quality and expediency of a cheeseburger for it's cost, but what about your child's heart surgery? Do you want free health care, or good health care for your child? You can't have both.
"There's no such thing as a free lunch". One of many old sayings that have proven to be very accurate. This concept can be applied to many things in life, but none quite as important as life itself, and to a lesser extent, health care. As I watch the Presidential candidates try to out-liberal each other regarding the "health care crises", I can do little else than shake my head in disgust.
First of all, there is no "health care crises". Yeah, I said it. Is health care expensive? Yes. Does that constitute a crises? No. Cars are expensive. College is expensive. Coffee, cable and blue jeans are expensive, but we don't refer to them as a crises. A health care crises is when there are no doctors to be found. Or when hospitals shut down. Ironically, this will be the result of the liberal plan of universal health care.
Allow me to explain. Health care is a service, an important service, but a service none the less. It could also be considered to be a product. For this reason, I can use the following analogy. Think of our health care system as the fast food business. Because we have the power to make the decision to eat at McDonald's or Wendy's, Burger King has to make sure they make a better burger and offer better service than the other two. Arby's has to make sure they offer something even better by virtue of the Beef & Cheddar. Then Subway steps in and offers an even better deal than any of the others. This is called "competition". The end result of which is constantly improving quality, constantly expanding options and competitive prices for the consumer.
Now, what if the government stepped in and offered free cheeseburgers for everyone? At first, everyone would rejoice. Then we would notice a few changes. First, we would notice McDonald's stores closing down, followed by Wendy's and Arby's. After all, no one is buying their product anymore. Then we would notice a persistent drop in the quality of our government issued burgers. After all, why does the government need to worry about quality control when they are the only game in town? Menu options? Think again. Extra Mayo? Not a chance. Fries? Don't even think about it.
You see, now the people we rely on to make our cheeseburgers are government employees. You know, like the friendly folks down at the DMV, or the IRS. As long as they don't stick out in the crowd, their job is safe. Now that the government has taken the profit out of the food business, why bother with 10 years of cheeseburger college just to punch a clock for Uncle Sam? Where's the incentive? Who wants to be a burger chef now? Certainly not the cream of the culinary crop. In fact, few people jump at the chance to do the job at all, now that the money is taken out of the equation. This leads to burger shortages due to a lack of production. Yet the demand increases due to the fact that burgers are free now, so everyone wants one whether they need it or not. To get your "free" burger, you are put on a waiting list.
Six weeks later, you have the free cheeseburger you were promised. It is issued to you at a government facility and resembles exactly what you would think a government issued cheeseburger would look like. If they forget the cheese, just fill out the appropriate forms and someone will review your case in six to eight weeks.
Oh, you don't like cheeseburgers? You wanted a Big Mac, or a hoagie? Too bad.
Remember folks, it's one thing to sacrifice the quality and expediency of a cheeseburger for it's cost, but what about your child's heart surgery? Do you want free health care, or good health care for your child? You can't have both.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
THE LITTLE RED HEN
When I became a father, I knew it was going to be a learning experience. I had no idea. Obviously, the nuts and bolts of parenting provide you with lots of new skills, and a child can teach you many things as well. One thing I did not expect was the lessons that I would learn from some of of my daughter's books. Granted, these children's books are designed to teach you things, but as an adult, I assumed these books had little to offer me. Then I read "The Little Red Hen".
This book chronicles a little red hen's quest to bake a loaf of bread. It tells of the hen's struggles to acquire the ingredients and process them into dough as well as the work that had to be done to bake the dough into bread. All through the process, the hen asks for help from the other animals in the barnyard. Of course, no animals were willing to lend a hand with any of the steps required to produce the bread. Still, when the bread was finally finished thanks to the tireless efforts of the hen, the other animals felt that they were somehow entitled to a share of the bread that they had no hand in baking.
When I chose this book to read to my little girl, I had no idea what it was about. To me, it was just a book about chickens. After reading it the first time, I immediately realized that this little book had done what I have been attempting to do for some time now. In terms that even a small child can understand, it had perfectly summarized the philosophy of liberalism.
If you know a small child, or an adult liberal, this book is the perfect gift. But remember, when reading to children and liberals, read slowly, be patient and don't expect them to understand it the first time.
When I became a father, I knew it was going to be a learning experience. I had no idea. Obviously, the nuts and bolts of parenting provide you with lots of new skills, and a child can teach you many things as well. One thing I did not expect was the lessons that I would learn from some of of my daughter's books. Granted, these children's books are designed to teach you things, but as an adult, I assumed these books had little to offer me. Then I read "The Little Red Hen".
This book chronicles a little red hen's quest to bake a loaf of bread. It tells of the hen's struggles to acquire the ingredients and process them into dough as well as the work that had to be done to bake the dough into bread. All through the process, the hen asks for help from the other animals in the barnyard. Of course, no animals were willing to lend a hand with any of the steps required to produce the bread. Still, when the bread was finally finished thanks to the tireless efforts of the hen, the other animals felt that they were somehow entitled to a share of the bread that they had no hand in baking.
When I chose this book to read to my little girl, I had no idea what it was about. To me, it was just a book about chickens. After reading it the first time, I immediately realized that this little book had done what I have been attempting to do for some time now. In terms that even a small child can understand, it had perfectly summarized the philosophy of liberalism.
If you know a small child, or an adult liberal, this book is the perfect gift. But remember, when reading to children and liberals, read slowly, be patient and don't expect them to understand it the first time.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
PUTTING THE "DEM" IN DEMENTIA
Seriously. Is this the face of the modern-day Democrat party? Is this some sort of new plan to eliminate false accusations from the "right wing smear machine"? Put your ignorance and dementia on display for the whole world to see, leaving the "right" with no way to top you? I mean really! Could anything "made-up" by a right wing pundit be any more outrageous than what the Dem. front-runners are doing right in front of us?
Consider this. You have one candidate being caught in one lie after another trying to concoct a non-existent legacy. Her allegedly "brilliant" husband refuses to let sleeping dogs lay (I know there's a joke in there somewhere) by reminding us of her fuzzy memories as soon as they fall from the front page.
Then you have another candidate who claims to transcend racism and class envy, but every time we see him, he's trying to talk his way out of being caught making racist or elitist statements. Not to mention being a member of a racist/anti-American church for twenty years.
Note to Hillary: You have no political or leadership experience. It's too late to make some up now. There's a little thing called history, it's documented and archived. Even you are not powerful enough to escape it. Oh yeah, being married to a heart surgeon does not give you the ability to cut into someone's chest.
Note to Barrak: You have no political or leadership experience. I am a Pennsylvania voter. I am "bitter", but not because the government isn't wiping my butt for me. I'm bitter because you liberal nut-jobs are ruining my country. Even if I were not bitter, I would still "cling to guns" because it is my right to protect and defend my family and country. It is my right to "cling to religion" as I see fit, regardless of my bitterness. I am not anti-immigrant either. I'm anti- ILLEGAL immigrant. There is a difference. The fact that all of this escapes you is evidence of your elitist attitude. The fact that you publicly proclaim your Christianity, but dismiss and belittle Pennsylvanians who do the same, makes you a hypocrite and/or a lier.
Note to Democrat party: Is this the best you can do? Is this really what you want to win with?
Seriously. Is this the face of the modern-day Democrat party? Is this some sort of new plan to eliminate false accusations from the "right wing smear machine"? Put your ignorance and dementia on display for the whole world to see, leaving the "right" with no way to top you? I mean really! Could anything "made-up" by a right wing pundit be any more outrageous than what the Dem. front-runners are doing right in front of us?
Consider this. You have one candidate being caught in one lie after another trying to concoct a non-existent legacy. Her allegedly "brilliant" husband refuses to let sleeping dogs lay (I know there's a joke in there somewhere) by reminding us of her fuzzy memories as soon as they fall from the front page.
Then you have another candidate who claims to transcend racism and class envy, but every time we see him, he's trying to talk his way out of being caught making racist or elitist statements. Not to mention being a member of a racist/anti-American church for twenty years.
Note to Hillary: You have no political or leadership experience. It's too late to make some up now. There's a little thing called history, it's documented and archived. Even you are not powerful enough to escape it. Oh yeah, being married to a heart surgeon does not give you the ability to cut into someone's chest.
Note to Barrak: You have no political or leadership experience. I am a Pennsylvania voter. I am "bitter", but not because the government isn't wiping my butt for me. I'm bitter because you liberal nut-jobs are ruining my country. Even if I were not bitter, I would still "cling to guns" because it is my right to protect and defend my family and country. It is my right to "cling to religion" as I see fit, regardless of my bitterness. I am not anti-immigrant either. I'm anti- ILLEGAL immigrant. There is a difference. The fact that all of this escapes you is evidence of your elitist attitude. The fact that you publicly proclaim your Christianity, but dismiss and belittle Pennsylvanians who do the same, makes you a hypocrite and/or a lier.
Note to Democrat party: Is this the best you can do? Is this really what you want to win with?
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